There's this misconceived notion that there's such a thing called "PERFECT". There's nothing on this God green earth that could be labeled as perfect. The perfect job, perfect mate, and perfect life are just myths. Myths that many shoot for or try to achieve. Please people stop before you run yourselves ragged!
Show me a perfect family and I'll show you the struggle they have to go through to maintain that picture perfect act. Behind close doors every single one of us battle ourselves and whatever else we might go through in our lives. It's once we've learned to accept that we are dysfunctional, things that seemed so important dwindle to "Oh well" piles.
Where in the book of life can you find instructions on how to understand the complicating equation of human idiosyncrasy? I believe that we are designed to face adversity and go through them. How else did we make it this far through famine, disasters, wars, and everyday struggles? There is a survival mode in all of us. This should support the idea that if there was such a thing called "PERFECT" we wouldn't need to have that survival instinct embedded in us while in the womb. We should accept that "PERFECT"does not exist except in a higher being that most of us believe masterfully designed our race to conquer adversity.
The only obstacle that we struggle vigorously to overcome are ourselves. We can push through many changes that may come drastically or swiftly in our lives and surroundings. But to conquer ourselves from our own negative thoughts, and doubts seems hard to achieve. This leaves fear and defeat to torment our survival mode and once this is compromised; humans are more than likely to give up and accept defeat easily.
If there is anything that I consider "PERFECT" it would have to be our human flaws. They remind us that we are survivors, victors, and warriors. If we accept our flaws...we can accept ourselves...even if we're not "PERFECT".
[Verse 1:]Closed off from love,I didn't need the pain,Once or twice was enough,And it was all in vain.Time starts to passBefore you know it your frozen.But something happened for the very first time with you,My heart melted to the ground found something true,And everyones looking round thinking I'm going crazy.
[Chorus:]But I don't care what they say,I'm in love with you,They try to pull me away,But they don't know the truth,My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.You cut me open and I,Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding loveYou cut me open.
[Verse 2:]Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud,Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt,Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling.But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace,And in this world of loneliness I see your face,Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy.Maybe, Maybe.
[Bridge:]And it's draing all of me,Though they find it hard to believe,I'll be wearing these scars for,Everyone to see.
[Chorus:]I don't care what they say,I'm in love with you,They try to pull me away,But they don't know the truth,My hearts crippled by the vein that I keep on closing.Ohh you cut me open and I...Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding loveOh you cut me open and I...Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love,I keep bleeding, I keep keep bleeding love,Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding loveOoh you cut me open and I,Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding love.Love.
(I've got them candy kisses on my mind..)
[Verse 1:]I never met nobody like you. (like you)That'll do all the things that you do.(that you do)Every night when I go to sleep,make my heart skip a beat.By the way that you kiss me.And Ooh, Now I see.This is the way that love's suppose to be.Me with you.You with me.I don't ever want you to leave,'cause you give me.
[Chorus:]Candy kisses all over me.(I've got them candy kisses on my mind)Like a kid in a candy store,always want to come back for more.'cause hes my, my letter on a rainy day,always seem to take my stress away.He's my sugar daddy, I'm his candy girl.We got the sweetest love in the wholewide world.
[Verse 2:]Take me away.To another day where I can hear him say,Girl I can't be without you, no I can't be without you.Don't ever want to think about you loving no one else but me.And Ooh, Now I see.This is the way that love's suppose to be.Me with you.You with me.I don't ever want you to leave,'cause you give me.
[Chorus:]Candy kisses all over me.(I've got them candy kisses on my mind)Like a kid in the candy store,always want to come back for more.'cause he's my, my letter on a rainy day,always seem to take my stress away.He's my sugar daddy, I'm his candy girl.We got the sweetest love in the whole wideworld.
[Bridge:]Day dreaming all the time,Candy kisses on my mind.(Candy kisses, candy kisses, on my mind, on my mind)Day dreaming all the time,Candy kisses on my mind.
And Ooh, Now I see.This is the way that love's suppose to be.Me with you.You with me.I don't ever want you to leave,'cause you give me.
[Chorus:]Candy kisses all over me.(I've got them candy kisses on my mind)Like a kid in the candy store,always want to come back for more.'cause he's my, my letter on a rainy day,always seem to take my stress away.He's my sugar daddy, I'm his candy girl.We got the sweetest love in the whole wide world.
I've been racially profiled before but to be profiled by my social status was something new to me. I wasn't really sure how to take it. I live at a place where my brother and I make the 2% census rate for samoans, although he's in Phillie and I'm located near the capitol of the state you would think that "they" would notice our ethnic backgrounds before our social status.
I went in to my nephew's school to have them sign off on his working permit for the summer because I told him he needed to get a job for the summer and he did, but the only thing missing was this paperwork that I and the school had to both fill out. Now, usually when I go to the school I am dressed in everyday clothing...jeans and a sweater because it's cold up here. Every time I go to the school for different reasons the lady at the front desk always has this condescending way of speaking to me and I try to ignore her because I really don't want to prove "their" theories right by acting ghetto up in there especially with me being the minority. So, with her non-socialable demeanor I tolerate her antics and do what I need to do while there. However; today was different. I just got off work and was trying to make it to the school before they closed and I was still in my scrubs. As I walked into the office, the same lady that has a social reputation of a cheerio greets me with enthusiasm and just the complete opposite of previous encounters. I'm thinking...okay, maybe I judged too quickly and she might have had a bad day...hell, she's with a whole bunch of teenagers all day! I'd be pissed off too.
She was so helpful with me and my paperwork but I still needed to talk to my nephew's counselor about something else but the counselor was out to lunch. She took my information down with my inquiry to be relayed to the counselor and a message to call me when she gets in. I was at home changing into my jeans and shirt and I get a call from that lady that I can come in and pick up all the documents I've requested for in the most friendliest voice ever. Happy with the treatment I am receiving from this lady I jump in my ride and drove back to the school in my regular everyday clothing and my samoan hair do (fa'apaku); a bun. Only an hour has lapse since I left the school and I was sure she would know me when I walked up in there. Guess what?! I must look different in street clothes vs. scrubs. The same lady whom only an hour ago bended backwards to help me and called me with a friendly voice completely ignored me and didn't make any eye contact while I was standing there. A lady that was there getting the same paper filled out for her son finally left. The nice lady that helped me an hour ago pretended to be busy at doing something else totally ignoring me. In the nicest tone I could conjure I said "Excuse me, hi...I was just here earlier about my nephew and you had just called about picking up documents that I had requested for from his counselor?"
If you could have seen her face change from Mr. Hyde to Dr. Jekyll in an instant. I would never have believed her bipolarness. If I did not experience it by wearing two different types of clothing in the same setting and the difference between a pony tail and a fa'apaku (bun). I would have never experienced social status profiling. This hieffer treated me nicely because of what I had on and the association of what type of field I was in. Yet, when I came back in with street clothes on with my hair pulled up in a bun along with my minority self. The treatment was a complete 180.
The split personality lady plasters a smile on her face and in her nicest tone tells me that I look different! I wanted to say screw you whore give me my crap! But the 10% sane side of my mind just smiled and said "really?" She hands me the documents and I thank her for her help in my whitest palagi toned voice. I walked out of there thinking to myself...Ain't this some $#!t?! I almost wish to be racially profiled by her because then I would have every valid reason to cuss her @$$ out...but what do I say to social profiling? Don't judge me by the color of my jeans but by the color of my scrubs?! WTF?!
There was a time in my life where I had lost my way...until you appeared and whispered softly to stay strong. Now it's only your voice that resounds in my head. I would move mountains to be with you, push through the rain and storm to find my way back to you. Will you be there to catch me from this exhausting distance that maims and separates us? It hurts to not be with you and everyday is one day closer to something that almost seems to be forbidden. There are times when all of it just seems so unreachable and this agonizing pain has me running to wait for an answer from you. You would think by now I would accept what our situation is; but I honestly yearn for you touch, your kiss, and to hear you breathing while lying next to me.
I know you're the one I should have shared my life with; given my all to. But how can I give you what is left of me when all is left are broken pieces of me? My tears fall slowly at the touch of your hand because it's you that I want but can't seem to have. I pray for the strength to not make the same mistake but when you look at me...I know... I know that you can see right through me. How can I hide? When your piercing eyes see what no one else can see? You see me...all of me.
STR8 CLOWN'N
I've never written a journal online before so here it goes. Life is sort of strange at times it seems that it never turns out the way you believe it should. Recently divorced (5 months) I believed that my marriage would last a lifetime. I believed that I found the love of my life and my soul mate...... however that wasn't the case.
You feel like you know someone and expect them to be there forever and the next day everything that you've ever believed in or planned out for the rest of your life is gone in an instant. Although I am the one that left the marriage it is never an easy thing to do and since he was a very powerful man in this city the decision was extremly heart wrenching as well as devastating...however I knew it was something that had to be done.
So...I find myself single and not sure what to do at times. Before, I knew exactly where I stood with every man because I was married, I knew where I had to be and why and when etc...now, it's as if I'm out in limbo with no direction at all.
It's weird, I feel as though my purpose in life has disappeared...I thought I would be happy, I thought this is what was right...
If there is anyone out there who would like to share their experience with me and give me some light on when things will get better feel free to drop me a line. I would love to hear about your situation.
I was training this new idiot, some kid who likes to babble about his motor bikes and stuff, anyway we're at the front desk and he picks up our silent alarm button (looks like a garage door opener) and asked me what it was for and I told him it swings the entrance door open for our guest who are in wheelchairs lol so he pressed it and nothing happened then he started to walk towards the front door pressing the button like crazy LMAO so I'm like uhh I'll be right back and started going out the side door lol the Police station is 3 blocks down the street and I know the response time is hella fast, by time I got across the street to our other property I seen the Police speeding to the hotel LMAO
After the Police left I went back and the new guy was all shaken up, he said the cop yelled at him to quit playing around and it's not good to "Cry Wolf" lol man I was laughing so hard my jaw was hurting lmao....so now this new guy don't like me but I don't care, foo smells like roach spray.
